A Note Of Admiration

Dear Exclamation Point Inventor,

First, I would like to congratulate you because, based on my knowledge and familiarity with the exclamation point, I can only assume that you must be the most annoying person alive—and that is quite an accomplishment given your competition.

Do you realize that by inventing this punctuation mark you have given obnoxiously overzealous people a way to express themselves with even more unnecessary enthusiasm? Do you know that your exclamation point is now being used in tandem with winking-smiley-face emoticons (!!!!☺!!!!☺!!!)?

You have also enabled otherwise mundane and boring people the opportunity to be “exciting,” with just the click of Shift + 1. You have tricked us into believing that the mayoral candidate isn’t as awful as they appear because they have "Family Values!!!" You’ve led me to many mediocre stores with windows screaming "Sale!" You’ve dressed up commands sent via email by closing it with a happy, and apparently very excited, "Thanks!’" as if that makes the unreasonable request more bearable. You've caused fights and ruined relationships with the expectations you create. Your upside down ‘i’ establishes a presence, forcing a response with equal, if not more (though never less), enthusiasm. Your existence makes me feel bad for being appropriately apathetic and indifferent, and I am compelled to respond with false enthusiasm that chips away at my soul.

Your punctuation mark is a lie—it’s like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' marriage, the Jonas Brothers’ purity rings and Sarah Palin’s credentials—it’s a method of disguise.

Perhaps back in the day of the 15th century you were not aware of how your exclamation point would be abused by future generations of screamers and asshats. Remember when this all started and you called it the “note of admiration?” That was such a pleasant way to think of this punctuation mark, and one can’t help but wonder if the exclamation point would be as overused and widely hated as it is today if it was still referred to as the “note of admiration.”

Of course I am not the only one who feels this way, F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “An exclamation mark is like laughing at your own jokes.” I wonder what Fitzgerald would say about Oklahoma! or Oliver! or Airplane! or Moulin Rouge! or Jeopardy! or Yahoo!

The point of this letter is to request that you invent a punctuation mark to counter the exclamation point. Our society needs a way to mute the screaming of “Thanks!” and the forced injection of dramatic emotion in day-to-day communication.

I appreciate your immediate consideration in this important matter.



Sincerely,
The Anti Exclamation Point Authority