Friday, July 24, 2009

Incomplete Thoughts

Words That Make My Mouth Feel Weird When I Say Them:
  • Schtick
  • Niche (Is it ‘neesh’ or ‘nitch’? Either way, people will judge you based on how you pronounce this stupid word.)
  • Touche (It’s just “touch” with an ‘e’ but I always say it like “Olé!” and that usually makes me feel like a tool.)
  • Jalapeno
  • Hue
  • Sauvignon
  • Philanthropic (Reading it, I’m okay, but saying it in conversation makes my tongue feel like it’s doing somersaults.)
  • Parfait
  • Ampersand
  • Ellipses (I get a lisp just looking at this word.)
  • Cutlery
  • Acquiesce
  • Tyrotoxism (means to be poisoned by cheese, I swear I didn’t make it up.)
  • Supercilious


Are you there Dove? It’s me, Smelly…
Dove has a new line of products that focus on scent, and their new campaign makes me feel like I must naturally smell bad. But, really, why would I want every part of my body to smell the same? Not that I have anything against the smell of grapefruit and lemongrass, which is apparently an energizing scent when combined, but who wants their hair to smell the same as their armpits?


Clumsy Strikes Again
I wasn’t in any kind of rush, nor was I distracted in any sense, just trying to open the car door and get in—something I do every day. Unfortunately, it’s the “open the door” part that tricked me this time. As I grabbed the handle, my overwhelming strength (let’s just call it that) surprised me, causing the door to fling towards me and into my forehead. It was like I forgot how to get into a car, or as if I was in a fight scene from a movie only instead of someone else beating me up by opening a car door in my face, I was beating myself up (flashback: “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Why are you hitting yourself, stupid? Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!”). As soon as my forehead made contact with the door, I felt my head fall back and my eyes swell with tears. Sniffling, I jumped in the car and drove away without looking to see if anyone had witnessed my door-to-head bunt. Now I have a raised bump and a slightly discolored (bruised) forehead for which my only explanation is: I opened a door on my face. Awesome.
(p.s. – This happened directly after my trip to the eye doctor. Even awesomer.)

3 comments:

  1. I hear you on the words! It's especially tricky when you get to a word with a foreign origin--do you pronounce it correctly and look like you're trying too hard or faking an accent (or just mispronouncing it), or do you pronounce it the way everyone else does, even when you know it's the wrong pronunciation?

    Perhaps we overthink it, but that's okay with me.

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  2. Hahahaha Erin, I know exactly what you are talking about and i will go to ridiculous lengths to avoid that discomfort. My personal favorite way out is to throw a thick, cartoonish accent in with whatever I'm trying to say. God help me, if I feel uncertain about the pronunciation of a French word I immediately turn in to the cook from the Little Mermaid, "did you say you wanted, LE CROISSANT?!? OUI?!"

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